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Thursday, November 28, 2019
11:14 PM

~ recommended music: you get me so high - the neighbourhood ~

“You know what’s wrong with you, Song Mingi?” Yunho slurred, the bottle of soju still in hand. Mingi was swaying his hips from side to side to music only he hears in his head. On the makeshift table – made out of a big box and a piece of plank on top of it – were speckles of white sand - or diamond dust, Mingi calls it - and he had some on his sharp nose as well, which he wiped off with his fingers when his nose started itching, sniffing at it to get as much into his system as possible. 
“What?” Mingi asked, not as curious as he was lazy.
“You’re too clingy to me, that’s what.”
Mingi smirked at the comment. “Clingy? You’re the one who’d be too lonely without me.”
Yunho shook his lowered head as he swished the soju bottle in the air in disagreement. “Do you really think I only have you?”
“I’m starting to think so,” Mingi said, the smirk lingering on his face playfully. “If not, why are you here?”
“How can I leave you alone when you do shit like this?” Yunho asked, looking straight at Mingi now. He was trying to be serious but he can’t help but feel his eyes droop. God, I’m so drunk, he thought to himself. The cold November air wasn’t enough to keep him awake, and the drop from this 11-floor apartment building’s wide open rooftop scared him but not enough to keep himself from downing two whole bottles of soju.
Mingi started humming Illusion under his breath.
“Hey, the moon kinda looks like a purple sun, right?”
“But the moon’s white,” Yunho replied.
Mingi chuckled, and it annoyed Yunho. “You’re not seeing it, man. The moon’s purple. Look.” He pointed at the sky. It was cloudy tonight, and the moon was barely visible; just a slither of light to make a crescent. 
Yunho didn’t know what to say. He was worried but Mingi wouldn’t remember anything if he scolded him now anyway. “You’re crazy,” was all he could manage. He stared at the sky for a while, and suddenly he felt Mingi’s arms slide from behind over his shoulders. A pair of hands meet across Yunho’s chest, and he felt the other’s head rest on top of his.
“You look so beautiful right now.”
Yunho suddenly felt like drinking a little bit more of that soju. He was embarrassed but he liked the warmth Mingi provided, despite being able to feel the hands’ coldness as it seeps through his jacket and to his skin like ice. He took them with his own cold hands and tried to warm them by rubbing them together. This made Mingi come closer and pull Yunho into a hug, his cheeks rubbing against Yunho’s hair. 
“Thanks,” Mingi said.
“What for?”
“Just… for being here.”
Yunho turned to face the other. “Are you sober?”
“What’s a sober,” Mingi rolled his eyes. He let go of Yunho and went to open another bottle of soju, taking two gulps then wincing as he put the bottle down. Yunho sighed and his mouth moved to one side in disapproval. “Hey hey, you’re blushing,” Mingi mentioned, pointing at the other.
“What? No I’m not,” Yunho replied, putting his cold fingertips on his cheeks as he jutted his lips out a little, feeling accused. Okay, they’re a bit warm, Yunho thought to himself. “It’s just so cold out.”
“Yea,” Mingi chuckled. “Sure.”
“You sure you’re not sober?” Yunho asked, standing up. He started to walk towards Mingi, who was facing out into the neighbourhood.
“The key to being a great artist,” Mingi almost shouted. “is to never be completely sane.” He stretched his arms out, taking in the cold wind as it blew slowly and painfully. “That’s why van Gogh cut off his own ear. That’s why Beethoven was so great; he was spiralling down his own sanity from being deaf. That’s why-”
Mingi stopped when Yunho kissed his cheek. 
“You’re cute, but research is showing that van Gogh’s friend was the one who cut off his ear.”
Mingi didn’t know what to do at first, but Yunho kept his eyes on the boy, waiting for a response. His cheeks were still flushed red, but he wasn’t shy. He just really, really wanted to kiss Mingi.
Mingi didn’t know what he was doing when his hand reached out for Yunho’s chin, pulling it closer to his own face, then landing his lips on the other’s. They moved away for a second, then came back together, separating their lips to feel the other’s warm tongue. They felt their heads spin, their blood flowing at rapid speed. They stayed there, kissing each other for a minute. Yunho pulled away first – he looked at the other’s eyes, then looked down. He wanted to leave from embarrassment, but Mingi took his hand.
“Why did van Gogh’s friend cut his ear?”
It took a moment for Yunho to come to his senses to reply. “They were drunk.” 
They kept quiet for a bit. Irony works in funny ways.
“They were drunk and the dude was harassing the girl who worked at the bar. Van Gogh thought of the girl as his own sister, so he pulled his friend out of the bar so that he’d stop. The dude wasn’t happy about it, and pulled out his sword at van Gogh. Still, the friend was running as a minister in another country, and van Gogh didn’t want the crime to stop him from winning. So he claimed that he did it to himself.”
“You’re not making this up, right?”
“There’s proof.”
“So van Gogh’s just a really nice person huh?” Mingi sighed.
“You’re not too bad yourself,” Yunho said. He walked away, and swept the leftover ‘diamond dust’ off of the tabletop. “You can be great without the insanity. The world’s a crazy place already.”
Mingi watched as Yunho walked through the door to the stairwell. The effect of half a gram doesn’t do much to him anymore. He still tries to enjoy himself around Yunho, to show him that he’s okay. The thoughts need to disappear, even if it’s only a few minutes. Things are better if Yunho’s around though. He can tell Mingi weird stuff – like van Gogh fun facts – and make him forget about the voices. 
I’ll just keep clinging to you then, Mingi thought to himself. It’s the only way I can stay sober, for now.

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Wednesday, May 3, 2017
11:55 AM

"Where the hell are you bringing us, Ella?"

The boy wiped the sweat dripping down the side of his forehead, his steps long, trying to catch up without tripping on tree roots of the forest. Three others followed behind him, while a girl with long dark blonde hair lead up front, almost leaping across the forest ground as she avoided roots and mud and ants nests as if she had memorised the floor plan. She only glanced back a bit, pausing for a few seconds to let her friends catch up before starting again. The boy at the end of the line scrunched his eyebrows at the top of his nose in frustration.

"We'll be there soon enough, come on," the girl ahead replied.

"Will, you're not much slower than her," a girl with jet black hair and a nose ring called from behind. "It's really getting on my self esteem."

"Your constant refusal to join me at the gym calls for it," Will replied, smirking while wiping his blond hair back. "Hey Ella, break time," he called at the girl further up. She glanced back, rolled her eyes and stopped in her tracks, crossing her arms.

"I'm not into putting myself through voluntary pain," Lorenza told.

"Can we not talk about working out right now?" the girl just behind Will asked. She was two feet shorter than him with glasses slipping down her nose bridge, and just as much sweat as Will but refused to slow down - she'd rather not be left behind. "Ella, can we please know where you're bringing us? Maybe we'll be a bit more excited about this."

"We would have found out by now if you guys wouldn't be such babies about this," she replied from afar. "Literally, we're a minute away."

"I better not be disappointed," the other boy, standing at about Lorenza's height, said in a low voice as he passed the other three, wanting to get a head start. He had dark skin and curls at the top of his head, his temper holding up only until now.

"Chill out, Chad," Will patted the guy on the back before he followed along.

"Come on, Hedy," Lorenza said as she passed the girl with glasses. Hedy gave a deep sigh. At the back of the line, as expected, she thought to herself.

Not far from where they had stopped, Ella turned to look at the team. She gave a grin, holding her arms out at the clearing. The patch contrasted to the rest of the forest, in which the trees had turned into stumps and roots into bumpy soils, leaves gathered into patches randomly. On top of one of the stumps lay a shovel and gardening gloves. "You will never guess what lies beneath these soils."

"Dead bodies?" Will joked without smiling.

"Actually, you're spot on."

The rest of the group went silent. Lorenza spoke up first.

"Are you... serious?"

"Yes, I am," Ella grinned as she reached for the shovel and started digging at one of the what seemed like random bumps of soil, but now resembles graves to the group, with the patches or leaves cleverly disguised as headstones.

"You're really creeping me out, Ella," Hedy announced as she hugged her own torso in discomfort.

"It's like what we talked about, guys," she told in between breaths. "The world isn't going to make anymore sense if we keep letting idiots lead us. We have to do something about it, and where do we start? Right at home, of course." She stopped digging, wiping at her forehead. She then reached down to dust off some of the soil, then pulled out a detached head by the hair from the ground. Hedy gave a half-screech half-gasp, but stopped herself, closing her mouth with her hands.

"What the fuck?" Chad shouted. "Is that... Principal Gully?"

"Yea that idiot of a principal we have. Shouldn't have suspended me for writing a paper on how the government was spending too much on military. Sucks to be him."

"Ella you not only insulted the president but also the entire office for a class taught by a proud Republican. It was called for," Lorenza tried to reason. It seemed useless now though, since the principal didn't even have a drop of blood in his brain anymore. "Is there... more of these?"

"Well the principal and Ms. Shrewder, that proud Republican is a good start, but next, the president, then, the world, of course."

"Ella you're fucking insane," Chad said in a shaky voice. "We can't go around killing people for the small stupid decisions they make."

"Oh, yea, we're not gonna kill every single idiot out there, well not yet," Ella explained as she waved the head around with pride. "We start at the top then we work our way down. See how easy it is to get to the principal? With a few more practice killings we might as well book for a flight to DC now."

"I'm getting the fuck out of here," Chad announced, pacing towards the way they came from.

"Not so fast," Ella said calmly, pulling a pistol out of her jacket pocket, pointing at Hedy. "You go and this girl dies."

"Bullshit," Chad called. Ella pulled at the trigger, and Hedy screamed as a bullet shot through her thighs. Chad stopped in his tracks, and Lorenza went to catch the girl as she dropped to her knees, both trying to stop the blood from flowing out.

"Anything else you're gonna call out as bullshit?" Ella asked. She tossed the head at Will, letting him see it up close. "As you can see, I'm not about bullshitting."

Will had a good look at the principal's wrinkled face - his thin lips were curved downwards, slightly parted, his eyelids revealed the maggots underneath already starting to feast on his eyeballs. The boy dropped the head at the sight of the maggots, almost bursting into tears out of fear and disgust.

"Ella, it was all talk, okay?" Lorenza said, her voice a mixture of fear and calm. "We didn't really think of killing anyone. We can stop this right now. Killing is wrong, especially when they didn't do anything to deserve to die. We won't be able to get away with it anyway. We're just five high school kids."

"I didn't think of you as the cowardly type, Lorenza," Ella sighed. "I gotta say, I'm disappointed."

"It's not about being brave, it's about doing the right-"

Another bullet went through Lorenza's forehead, in between her eyes. Hedy screamed again as the body next to her turned limp. Tears started to form as she sobbed. The two boys shook in their places as they glared at Ella in fear. The girl looked away, her hands shaking. Despite being the new girl in town, Lorenza had been the one who let Ella into her circle. For once in her five years of switching schools every few months, Ella felt like she belonged somewhere. Why did Lorenza had to defy her like this? Why couldn't she just accept who Ella was for who she is?

"Bitch was the one who said Principal Gully deserved to die."

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Friday, September 4, 2015
1:37 AM

once I dreamt of a great adventure
where we fought the demons
that clawed its way
through our souls
we were on our knees
skin smudged with blood and dust
when I woke up
by the sound of morning classes
and dreaded judgement

once I dreamt of a great love story
I watched you pass by on a bicycle
from the inside of a bus
that was our last goodbye
when I woke up
you never left
but you never loved me neither

once I dreamt a tragedy
but the greater fragments
are lost through reality
I do not remember where we were
only that you were there

maybe our desire to live
made us hope
for stories we were told
through pages bound
in between our slumbers
be it fighting demons
or romance turned tragedy
I wish to live a dream
to live
for something more.

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1:31 AM

you avoid meeting too many people
you don't like noises
and big crowds
when you get attached
you distance yourself
under the mask that you've created
no one will see
the timidness behind it
your scarred and fearful face

then one day someone tries to break it
and the fear that you'll be figured out
turns to anger
to violence

because there are two types of troubling people in this world
the ones who talk too much
and the ones who don't talk enough

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imagine
" You write so beautifully, the inside of your mind must be a terrifying place "
"good night ver.2" by YUEKAIRE