The restaurant was half full. To get a good seat, he rushed to a table of two and sat his food ready while I was still bumping against the crowd. By the time I get to the table he was already on his way to unwrap his burger from its thin paper wrapper. I frowned a little. So much for being a good boyfriend. He looks up and see that I just arrived, biting his lower lip. He probably didn't notice I wasn't right behind him. To make it up to me he pushed the chair in front of him with his foot from under the table, inviting me to have a seat. I just huffed and sat down, placing down my tray in front of me.

That was about a week before we broke up.

I could still put up with his attitude at that time.  Then he played a fool and joked around with his cousin in front of me. The fact that she was a relative didn't really ease me in any way. He thought I was over-reacting, but it wasn't just because of that one thing. It was all the other things he had done before too.

I never really got over him – can you believe that? I moved on, of course I did. I'm not an adolescent who cries over an ex-boyfriend. But all the while I knew my heart was still tugging every time I see him around campus. I can separate reality from illusions, so I definitely will not deny my feelings for him.

The other day I bumped into him at the school café. He was queuing with his girlfriend, chatting merrily. He didn't even notice me. The girl wasn't bad; she was petite and I'm in her calculus class. She's not exactly bright, but I guess she's his type. The type who don't really look into details.

I really didn't intend to disrupt their heavy conversation, but the rowdy boy behind me pushed me that caused me to trip a little, touching his arm. It was as if I touched a hot kettle – my hands immediately removed itself from burning up. It didn't exactly change anything, he still noticed my presence. He said hi. I said hi back. The girl didn't seem to mind much. But I really did wish he said a little more than hi. Although I don't think I'm really into the idea of replying.

Why did it surprise me that he and his girlfriend came to sit with me for lunch the next day? Maybe because ever since we broke up I've been keeping myself away from everyone and lunch had been my study-alone time. He sat next to me, the girl across of him. The two only said hi and continued with their own topics. A few days after they finally spoke a few more words like "what're you eating" or "what class do you have after this". I eventually got used to the two disturbing my peace. A few weeks passed and I over-heard a conversation between them about going to watch a movie.

"But I already bought the tickets!" he said, placing the two pieces of shiny cardboard on the table.

"Well you should've asked me if I was free," the girl responded, munching on her lunch.

"What am I supposed to do with the other ticket?"

"Why don't you ask her?" the girl said, pointing at me with her fork. I pretended I didn't hear or see anything and just sipped on my Sprite while I flipped through my biology textbook.

"Hey," he called, tapping my upper arm. "You free tomorrow night?"

"Why?" I asked, giving him the similar cold look I gave while watching him flirt with his cousin.

"I've got extra tickets to that new movie, you wanna come and watch it with me?" he asked, smiling, as if nothing ever happened between us. He is such a good actor. But somehow I find myself agreeing to it. Maybe it was that part of me that still went thumping every time he pulled over the chair next to me during lunch.

The night came quickly, the lunch before it casual. Nothing was mentioned. Things are good this way, but I hate the fact that questions can still form in my head. He had an extra ticket, that's it. He has no interest in you; not anymore. He has a girlfriend now who doesn't care about small things like this. She was all you weren't, suck it. Those were my thoughts while I tried to calm myself.

I was early, as usual, just like our dates 8 months ago. He came to me, walking like time waits for him, as usual. Just like 8 months ago. We went to line up for popcorn and coke. We went to find our seats and laughed at the stupid advertisements and wow at the movie premiers, discussing which movie looks like it's worth the watch and which seems like another cheap-ass production. All of it was just like before.

The movie passed without any interactions between us and when it ended, we walked out not saying anything. Not even about the movie. Throughout the movie I was thinking about what had just happened, to be honest. What we just did. Was it on purpose? Or did it just come naturally? Finally, he broke our silence.

"Why are you still holding onto me?"

It surprised me how he knew without me saying anything, although I've never been the type to hide my feelings. He didn't have to say it, the fact that I accepted the tickets was what gave it away. I thought about it; why I'm still holding onto him. But I couldn't really find a good answer.

"I don't know," I told him honestly.

"You can't do this to yourself."

"I'll get over it sooner or later."

"What if that never happens?"

I couldn't answer that. I was convinced that I'd get over you once I found someone else. Although I've met other people for the past 8 months, but none of them was like him.

"I guess... I'm still hoping you'd come back."


He didn't reply. We were just walking towards the exit of the mall, both of us catching the same bus that takes us to two different places. I would get down first, and then his stop would come next. But that was before, and now the two of us are just walking without words. I didn't like the silence, although it felt like I won the battle it was a weak offense that made him shut up out of pity. So I asked, "Do you think I should hold on to this faith?"

"Maybe," was all he replied.

We arrive at the bus stop. I didn't say anything until the bus came. I stood up, but he didn't. I stepped on the bus and he just watched me. I looked back to say, "I'll be waiting."

Labels: romance

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