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Monday, June 3, 2013
2:09 AM

I slipped the thin strap into a buckle of the shoe around my ankle, looking up at the man in front of me. He had black slacks on, a blue shirt and a black coat over it. His tie was undone under the collar of his shirt. He looked outside to see if anyone was around. I stood up, pulling my pale red dress down to remove any wrinkles. I looked myself in the mirror by the door while stabilizing myself on the three inch heels and checked out my hair. The sun from outside highlighted it a burning fire. My pale skin was smooth, my cheeks brushed pink and my lips were coloured a somewhat pinkish red. The thin strap of my dress revealed an obvious collarbone - what I get after bulimia. The scar on my shoulder blade where my father placed the end of a burning cigarette butt was just as obvious.

I looked at the man near the door. He was staring at me, his eyes an unreadable black. His nose was slightly bent, his lips not too thin but not too thick. I wish he would smile more often, but the only times I've seen him smile is when I refuse his offerings of a smoke. He was good looking, but he looked even better when he smiles. His black hair was slightly unruly, so I went to him to comb it back a bit with my fingers. He didn't move, his eyes locked on me.

"You feeling okay?" he asked.

"I'll be fine."

"If you need me-"

"You'll be here. Four till ten. Got it."

He let out a sigh. I hadn't known this man for more than two months but I like him more than anyone else I've known my entire life. He listens. He doesn't say anything, which I won't say is the only thing I need, but it's comforting at times. When I don't seek advice but a listening ear, I come here. Things go further but we don't discuss it.

I don't know what he does for a living, but he has to have a job to afford a place like this and such nice clothes. The house isn't the fanciest I've seen, but it was considerably big for a stop-by place. I know I had never lived in such a building. Double storey, three bedrooms and two bathrooms, a working stove and a six foot fridge.

I never asked what he does. By the looks of it I probably shouldn't, because I saw him load his gun once before slipping it into his suitcase when he thought I wasn't looking. It was dark, and I heard clicking in the cold air. I turned around in the white sheets, keeping my eyes closed. There was a pause, but when I heard him opening the zip I peeked through my eyelids. He kept the bag under the bedside table and went back to bed. His cheeks had a glinting line, what I thought looked like a tear stain. He stared at the ceiling and whispered to himself, "I can't do this."

I have no idea what I'm doing; being here with him almost every night, leaving behind my own house, my family. They don't know. They best not know. They have marriage planned for me.

"Do you have a life?" I asked him once. I was wearing only his shirt while getting myself a glass of O.J. He was sitting in a sofa in front of the TV, flipping through the channels, uninterested, clothed with a white t-shirt and shorts.

"It depends on your definition of life," he replied, landing on the news. "I got things figured out, but it's not exactly what I'd call living."

"So you're settled in?" I asked, walking towards him.

"I guess you can say that." I sat next to him, folding my legs on the seat and resting my head on his shoulder. The cold skin of my thighs touch my calves, making me shiver. "Why? You're not?"

"I can survive," I tell him. "But I have no freedom. I'm not happy."

"You can't expect being happy to be easy."

"You can strive for it though."

He turned slightly to look at me through my red hair, then he turned back to rest his cheek on my head. "Have you thought of a way?"

"By setting this whole city on fire."

"How do we do that?"

"Pour kerosene everywhere. Poke holes into the tyres of firetrucks. Then we light that fancy lighter of yours."

"You have an idea how we'll get all that kerosene?"

"You're rich. I'm sure you can get to it."

He snickered. I wish I saw his face, because I'm sure he looked better than the straight face with the slanted eyebrows I usually see when I get here. "I'm not rich, but okay, what will we do after that?"

"We run."

He didn't say anything. I took his hand and observed it. There were so many cuts; deep lines that went across his palm, a long stitch scar on the back and his phalanges protruding against the pink-tinted skin. I stroked the back side slightly with my thumb, and he gently grasped onto my hands.

"Where to?" he asked.

"To the end of the rainbow."

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